Monday, March 12, 2012

Why I don't write......

Good morning folks, it's good to be back again, here on my blog.

If you're wondering where I've been, well, I've been here, I opened Blogger, I even checked on a few comments I needed to moderate, but when it came to decide to click "New Post", I couldn't do it.

The reason?

I never have anything to write about. That's the thought. I see my life as pretty boring to other people, and I believe most of you would agree with that assessment. If there were something going on in my life that I felt like I needed to bounce off of someone, or, there was something I had strong feelings about, and felt like I had to "talk" to someone about it, then I think I could write a post.

I read things on the internet all the time from my online friends, most of whom have real lives. They have husbands, wives, kids, dogs, you name it. So they have lots to talk about. I don't. I live semi-alone, as my roommates and I are on opposite schedules, so we rarely see each other, and even when we do, we don't interact in the same way that people with families do. And besides that, I'm not going to come on my blog and complain or bitch about the way things are with them even if there were something to complain or bitch about, that's just not my way.

This is MY life folks:

I start my day at 9:30 at night by heading to work. Most nights I stock the shelves of the dairy department at my local Walmart from 10 PM until 7 AM. I leave work shortly thereafter, and go directly home. Then I usually spend several hours online, playing Facebook apps, chatting with a friend or two, if they are online, and generally just wind down until I feel tired enough to go to bed, usually between 8:30 and 9:30 in the morning. I then sleep for the next 6 hours, almost like clockwork, and no matter how tired I was when I laid down, I rarely sleep more than that 6 hours at a time. When I wake up, around 3 PM, I get up, get a shower, find something to eat, and then sit in front of my computer screen doing Facebook apps, chatting, and basically wait until it is 9:30 again, when I have to leave for work. I have little to no communication with anyone else, no phone calls, no text messages, no one comes over, nothing. My days off are not much more productive either. Sometimes instead of playing around on the internet, I watch movies on my PC, just for fun. I have a TV in my room, but it's not plugged in or hooked up to anything, since we don't have cable here. So, to sum up, if I'm not at work, I'm in front of my computer screen, or I'm sleeping, that's it.

Why is my life like this you ask?

The main reason why is money. I make enough to pay my rent, a few other bills I have, I buy food and gas, and stuff to make cigarettes with, and after that, there is usually nothing left over. I can't ask anyone out on a date, because I ration the amount of gas I buy to the exact total I need to get back and forth to work for the two weeks in between paydays, out of necessity. I have no extra money to do anything at all. So, I have no social life, I don't go out and do anything, because I don't have the means. Granted, on various weeks, money is not that tight, and I do make some side trips here and there, but for the most part, I really don't have any leeway in deciding to just take a drive or take in a movie in a theatre, nothing. So, I stay at home, and do nothing.

The other part is my schedule. The greater part of my time awake is when everyone else is asleep, and vice versa. So when I am up and ready to do things, a lot of shops are closed or will be closed shortly after I wake up, and since most people have a day job, they are all asleep when I am up working. Doesn't make for much of a viable social life.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because I need a change, I want a change, and I want to know what it is that makes me stay home and do nothing even WITH the things I mentioned above. I see people all over doing things, finding things they are interested in doing, they share tons of things on Facebook they find online, which you would think I would do with all the time I spend online, but I don't. I don't search things, I don't do a lot of reading online, nothing. And I want to know why.

What is it that makes me different than the rest of the world? Why am I not interested in anything? Aren't there things that I could be searching online, and finding out about, and sharing with others? I think there is, but I also think that I have a mental block that prevents me from doing so. Perhaps it is my "been there, done that" mentality about a lot of things I see and hear about. The same situations happening over and over, yes, with different players and different scenarios, but all the same basic emotions and circumstances. It's like I don't feel like there is anything new, as though there is nothing on this earth that would make me say, "Wow, that really surprises me, I had no idea" anymore. I am completely jaded on life as a whole. And I want to know how I can fix it.

I want to join the human race again. I want to enjoy a good laugh. I want to enjoy finding out something new, something amazing. I want to stop being such a hermit. I'm not even sure that's the right word for it. I may even qualify as being antisocial, I'm not sure, but either way, I want to know why.

If anyone has any answers, suggestions, or can even recommend a good website, feel free to comment.

Thanks everyone, and have a nice day.