Sunday, December 5, 2010

30 Days of Truth, Day 4

Something you have to forgive someone for.....

I just don't know what to say to this one. One thing I have never done was to hold a grudge, so there's nothing I can think of from the past or present even that someone did that would cause me to have to forgive them now.

It's my understanding that these "30 Days" are an exercise in getting down to the depths of your soul, so you can help yourself to heal old wounds, and maybe learn more about yourself. Of course that doesn't mean you'll have all the wounds that this is supposed to expose. I have to say though, I bet if I thought about it long enough, I'd find someone who was in my life at some point that I'd have to forgive. So far though, nothing's coming to mind.

There was a time in my life that I would have said that I'd have to forgive my parents. They were very strict, and I was afforded few freedoms. For a long long time I was bitter and I hated them for the way they raised me, I felt like I missed out on a lot. I hated the fact that I didn't have any girlfriends because they didn't buy me the "cool" clothes, and that I couldn't ask a girl out on a proper date. They didn't let me socialize at all with my peers, unless it was something to do with church. They didn't watch sports on tv, so I missed out on a lot of great stuff that I felt like I should have seen. That may seem minor to some, but after I left home and I began to watch those sports myself, I really felt cheated. So many great games, so many iconic players, and I didn't get to watch them as they played out "live". I never got to watch the Super Bowl, the Daytona 500, nothing. Well, except for the Olympics. That was it as far as sports were concerned.

Anyway for a long time after I left home I felt like my parents were to blame for everything that was wrong with my life, my social ineptitude, my lack of common everyday knowledge, everything. Then I slowly began to realize that most of my issues were with the way I reacted to what they presented me. It was my fault, not theirs. I could have tried to see how they were feeling, and taken better care not to be so selfish. I could have paid attention more to the things that mattered, rather than being wrapped up in what I wanted and what I wasn't getting. Because that was the whole issue. It wasn't them, it was me. What would it have taken to ask my mother about watching sports, without coming across like it had to happen my way. That's it. Just sit down, and try to discuss it, and not be so god awful selfish to not see their side. Because that's what I did.

So do I have to forgive someone for something? No, I don't, because I don't take anything personally, I don't feel the pain of someone's harsh remarks, or see things they do as hurtful towards me. I chose to think that way about my parents, and everyone else for that matter, in my youth, but I've learned since then that being hurt is a choice, and I don't choose to feel like I've been hurt. So, no one, and I mean no one, can hurt my feelings. Someone can say something to me, but I choose how to react. They don't "make" me feel bad or good, I do. And I choose to not feel bad, about anything anyone says, or does.

That way, in reality, the only person I ever have to forgive is myself.

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