Monday, March 29, 2010

Finally, some calls!!!!!

It's finally happened folks, after how many months I can't even say. I got two calls today about jobs!! The first one I got was for a helpdesk position working for a company that has a contract with Dell, it was actually the second call I got from them, a phone interview. But that's standard. They do that with everyone who applies that has even a rudimentary knowledge of computers. It's the THIRD call that I was waiting for, and it came about 30 minutes later!! They want me to come and start filling out the paperwork for the background check, and for getting fingerprinted and getting a security clearance (the contract involves working with the US Army). It doesn't mean I'm hired just yet, but it sure is a step in the right direction!!! I'm ecstatic!!

The other call I got was from Advance Auto Parts, to be a part time driver. I have an appointment tomorrow at 3 to talk with them!!! I can't believe it, TWO calls, on the same day, after all this time, all this futility. I hope to be able to accept BOTH jobs, as the helpdesk position has night shifts as well as day, and that way I could work during the day with Advance.

Granted, I'm not guaranteed anything yet, I mean I don't actually HAVE either one of these jobs, but I am so happy that finally I got some action, that SOMEONE finally called and wants to interview. I know soon though that I will be able to post that I have a job, and in the present state of the economy, I am grateful to be getting noticed. 

To anyone else out there who is unemployed, know that I feel your pain, and that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. If it happened for me, it can happen for you too, no matter how bleak things look.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I'm a Beautiful Blogger!

Hi folks, nice to see you once again!

Just wanted to stop by and say a very heartfelt thanks to Simon over at Songs from the Wood, as he has bestowed upon me this blog award.

I appreciate this so much, I haven't posted much lately due to what's been going on, and I am happy that he feels I am worthy, even in my silence.

I thought I might do this a little differently, as it seems that everyone I would have liked to have given this award to has already received it. So, what I think I will do, is to give 7 things about myself, and maybe add on a few more, just to spice things up a bit.

The first thing that is first and foremost in my mind is of course the fact that I moved out two weeks ago, well, going on three now. Life is full of change for me at the moment, and I am learning first and foremost that it's ok to start over, even when one is pushing 40.

The second, and altogether random thing, about me, is that I secretly wish that I was Jim Carrey, he's so hilarious.

Let's see, number three. I like to build plastic models, mostly aircraft and ships, and not those sailing ships either, mostly naval vessels that could/can move on their own.

Number four. I always wear a watch, I feel naked without it.

Number five. I have 20/600 vision without my glasses, so, unless I'm sleeping, I am always wearing those too.

Number six. My brothers and I (three of us in all) each have a large freckle on our left forearm that is in the same spot, but our sister doesn't have it. We call it the genetic freckle. Our father said he used to have one too, but it has faded with age.

Number seven. Before this life is over I would love to try ski jumping. It seems to me to be the closest a human can get to flying.

Number eight. See, I told you I would add a few! Blogging has been so much more than I ever thought it would be, and I'm glad I have you lovely people reading about my life, it makes one feel like there are others  in the same boat.

Number nine. There is a saying, that as I embark on a new phase in life rings so true for me, and that is.......

Today is the first day of the rest of your life!!

Thanks again Simon for the award, and to every single one of you reading this, you too are a Beautiful Blogger!

Friday, March 12, 2010

Pavement pounding, day one

How do folks?

Today I went out and pounded some pavement looking for a job, with a different attitude than before. Sounds stupid to say, but I have to write this down somewhere. I felt like something just clicked in me last night, as my BFF told me I was being an ass over a phone call fight I had with the shrew. Well, she didn't say it like that exactly, but either way, it made me think about my whole outlook on the situation, and that maybe I should have a completely different attitude. I could say that I can't believe I didn't see how stupid I was being before, but I CAN believe it. I was here, lol. I saw the whole thing. Too much BS, too much FEELING, not enough THINKING, and very little DOING. Everyone else already knows and does what I just last night figured out. And knowing that leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. But I don't have time for feeling bad, or thinking about woulda coulda shouldas, I'm just getting up again tomorrow and doing it all again, going and pounding pavement looking for a job. Then maybe I will actually find one. I'm done being emotional, feeling like I want things, because all the universe has brought me for my trouble is more "want". That's how it works. Tell the universe with your energy and thoughts that you "want", and that's what you get. So now my energy says "job", and so maybe the universe will respond that way, and I'll get one.

Anyway I just thought I'd come by and let everyone know how it's going, and to say I hope everyone had a great day! Ttys!


Hi folks, good to see you again.

It's been a week now, since I moved out. Not a lot of progress on the job hunt, but I figured out why. My attitude about it has just plain stunk. I even think I have posted about this before, and I am becoming tired of having to keep saying that I don't have a job yet. I've been trying to find one for all the wrong reasons, even though in my conscious thoughts it has been for "my kids", for the most part I think my thoughts have been centered on proving others wrong about me being a bum. Which has of course had the effect of further reinforcing my "bumhood" to said others, as more time has gone by without me finding suitable employment.

Anyway at least now I understand what I've been doing wrong, and the cards, yes, my tarot cards, I got some, did I tell everyone? I did, a couple of weeks before I left her. They have been spot on in their predictions, and so far, I have been listening. My spiritual development is something I have put a lot of resources into, but now is the time to get out and do, or else. So, another day gone, and no job.

Talk to you soon!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

I moved

Hi folks! It's good to see you!

I moved out a couple of days ago. I'm now at my friend's house, sitting in my own room, my own personal space. I have no agenda, no schedule, no one to answer to. It feels good. I miss my girls. Such a mix of emotions. My only goal in life at this point is to find a job, and make some money to get them out of their grandma's house. It still feels weird, it was so bad the first day or so I could barely think, let alone write. Freedom is good, but also very intimidating. I've not been "on my own" since I was in the Navy, and that's been 20 years ago. Even then I wasn't really on my own, so this is really new to me. I feel like shit, and here I thought I would be happy. I mean on one hand I am, no one to tell me what to do, well other than my roommates, since it's their house, but overall my life is mine, for the first time ever. Hell of a thing to get to at the age of 38. I left my parents house at 18, and since then, I have not been alone, with no one else. I've discovered that I had taken it for granted that someone was there all the time. Being more or less alone now is very frightening. And I never even once considered that as a possible emotion I would feel when I left. I have to move past that however, and get on with life, otherwise I will never really start living. I have to remind myself that this is what I wanted, what I needed, in order to give my children the life they deserve. It just sucks that I can't be with them. I'm sure with time, my feelings will change, and I will be ok with all of this, but right now, things are still topsy turvy. I mean what do I do? I haven't the first clue as to what I can or should do. I always went off of what everyone else wanted. My wife, her schedule, what she wanted or needed me to do, and now that's gone. I have never felt so vulnerable. Hell I never even thought of using that word to describe myself, always seemed to me to be a bit weak. Well this crab (I'm a Cancer) has moved his shell, and now I must come out of it, or be lost inside it forever. Another day or so to "heal" and process, but then I'm going to get going, start with what I need to do, what I MUST do to be the father I am supposed to be, and support my children. I started a post on my journey blog, hopefully will get it done soon, so look for that.

Well that's all I can say at this point. Change continues for me, as it does for everyone. Thanks for listening, and I'll talk to everyone again soon.

Monday, March 1, 2010

The universe heard

In my last post I was talking about how I wanted to be on my own, and not to have to answer to anyone else.

Well, the universe must have heard me, because lo and behold, I was offered a room at a friend's house. I will finally be free!!

Having said that, the prospects of being away from my daughters are not pleasant, but I know I am doing the right thing, for in the long term, this will benefit them financially, as well as mentally, not having to see their parents argue all the time.

I have been harping on leaving and getting out for so long now, but up until recently, I was of a completely different mindset, always there was the filter, how would she think about it, how would she react? I felt the shift when my thought process changed, when I really began thinking solely for myself, and not for how she might think.

Sounds pretty kindergarten, not something someone my age should be just finding out, but I really never have thought solely on my own in my mind even, never consciously allowed myself to say it was ok to have my own thoughts, I have always thought of how I should think that wouldn't offend or bother one party or another.

Wow that was a mouthful, but what I mean to say is that I gave up thinking how others might think.

Now I can start to live MY life.