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Sunday, January 19, 2014

It's been a long time....

Yes, I know, it's been forever since I posted. Life has changed a lot, and it's caused me to neither have the desire, nor the inspiration, to write anything at all. Not to mention the time.

Everything just seems like it's pure chaos right now. Everything is breaking around the house, there's never enough money to fix it, and I'm losing a lot of sleep. Oh, not because of worry, mind you, but because we only have one car, so guess who gets to do the lion's share of transporting people where they need to go during the day? Yup, me.

Anyway, as it is, life sucks, just like it does for a lot of you too, so I can't complain....especially since things COULD be a lot worse.

I just thought I'd come check in real quick to let everyone know I'm still here.....and to say I hope things start looking up soon, so I can start posting again on a more regular basis.

Have a good day.

Friday, September 6, 2013

3 years and 6 months later......

Hi folks, good to see you again.

3 and a half years ago, I moved out. I left my wife (and kids) to go stay with a friend, got myself a job, and tried to start a whole new life. Or so I thought at the time.

Looking at where I am now, back at home, back with my family, it could be said that that time I spent away was a waste. I missed so many things, so much time I could have been with them.

But, looking at it another way, it could be said that I needed to do that, I needed to leave, to learn a few things, or to experience something.

The latter is the way I see it. It almost seems like that 3 years I was gone was like time one would spend if they were away at college, I learned that much along the way.

My life changed in so many ways in that time that I can barely begin to describe it.

My perspective usually keeps me from seeing how monumental the changes in my life are, as they happen, but looking back on it, me moving from here to another town an hour away, and then moving to another state 9 hours away, well, those WERE pretty big changes.

Now that I'm back, and I'm a little older and a little wiser, I have a different way of looking at what (on the outside) appears to be the exact same situation I was in before I left.

Granted, there are differences, the most notable being that I now have a steady job, so the way others in the family treat me is different, but still, for the most part, things are not all that different.

So, it must be me. And how I'm perceiving things.

That makes me happy. :)


Saturday, August 10, 2013

Perth's Perspective.....August 10th, 2013

Hello folks, remember me?

Yes, it's me, Perthro Pathfinder, the man who started this blog 3, almost 4 years ago.

My life, my existence, is much different than it was then. I am a much different person now. I am a non corporeal being, living a physical existence, like the rest of you.

I've learned things, I've progressed.

The difference is, unlike most of you, I have the ability to see. I see the possibilities.

No one else I know, no one else who is living a physical life like me sees what I see.

I can see what we really are.

I can accept that this "life" we are living is not our true existence, but it is in fact the way we choose to experience negativity.

I understand that time is not linear, and that everything CAN be perceived all at once, with no past, present, or future.

Can you do that? I doubt it.

You're stuck in your physical life, day to day, only seeing what's presented to you, and you react to it, but are not in control of it, and you can't see that there is so much more going on than what your paltry senses can tell you.

Imagine for a minute that there IS life beyond being a "human", having to go to work, send your kids to school, having to make payments on your house, your car, having to deal with family, relatives, coworkers, and all this "technology" we have these days.

I alone can see this. The existence that is the truth of what we are.

We're here to learn. We're here to see what it's like for those with limited perception, and learn, in our own unique way, what that "feels" like. We observe some things, and decide to experience others. Even the most horrific things we can imagine, some of us come to this existence to experience just those things, and nothing else.

I don't expect that any of you will take me seriously. You'll most likely see me as a crazy nut job. It's meant to be that way.

The fact of the matter is, if too many of us know what our true existence is about, the life we live as primitive humans would be ruined. It would be an invalid experiment.

Just take comfort in knowing that there is at least one of us who knows why we are here.

One day, maybe, some of you will grow past your "knowledge" of organized religion, whether it be Christian, Muslim, Judaism, Buddhism, etc, and realize that none of those are the "truth", and will find out for yourselves that there is no such thing as "truth".

It's all about your own existence, as a unique individual, and how you yourself perceive the cosmos.

Your own perspective. It's all about you.

You, and only you, are a unique entity, and your perspective of the universe is yours alone.

THAT'S the "truth" everyone is looking for.

Stick THAT in yer pipe, and smoke it.....

This is Perth's Perspective........now go out, and make your OWN perspective, and live it!

Friday, April 12, 2013

My life, full circle

I apologize for my long absence, it's been a very busy couple of months for me.

2 months ago, due to financial reasons, I made a move, well, twice actually.

I didn't have enough money coming in to afford to pay rent, so I left Florida, and ended up in Arizona.

To make a very long story short, I was forced to stay with my parents for about a month, and then I made a decision.

I decided that all the things I did in the last 3 years had taught me something.

I should have never left my home and family to start with.

I feel like I NEEDED to leave for a time though, to gain a fresh perspective, and to learn a few life lessons on how to be a good husband and father......and I never wanted to hurt anyone, even though I did, but the healing process has begun.

I am now back with my wife and children, and I'm happy again.

Life is very busy, so I will not be able to post as often, but I will try.

I hope everyone is doing well, and hope to see you soon. :)

Thursday, December 20, 2012

My decisions, how poor they have been.....

It's been almost another whole month since I last posted, and my last post, well, it wasn't one of my best.

I just read it again, and all I can say is that it was a rant, me blaming everybody but myself for my situation.

The fact is, everything that has ever "happened" to me, has happened because I made a decision to LET it happen.

I'm willing to admit the fact that many of my decisions in life have been pretty poor ones. I've had 2, no, 3, GREAT jobs, all of which could have been awesome careers, and each time I had one of those jobs, I made a poor decision and ended up losing the job.

Then, I'd get my head on straight for a while, and try and make something else happen, and things would go great for a while, but then, every time, I'd make some stupid ass decision that would make it all come unraveled.

I'm realizing more and more that my life is exactly as I've made it. My situation right now for instance. I have NO money, since now, I have a child support payment. I have had to try to find other means of income to compensate for it, and I had one opportunity that would have turned out really well, both for my schedule, and financially, but, due to my poor decision making, it didn't work out. So a lot of things are still very much in "survival" mode at this point, but it's all due to decisions that *I* made, whether recently, or even, let's say, almost 3 years ago.

I was the one who decided to leave. I was the one who decided to move away, and then to more or less become a hermit. I have very little communication with any human being outside of work. I don't have money to go out and do things with anyone, as I used to, but that's not an excuse, because there again, it is all because of decisions that *I* myself made in the beginning, but did nothing to compensate for the inevitable loss of income when the child support payments ensued.

The one thing I can say right now is that I feel very isolated, very alone. Makes sense though, since I've not reached out to anyone to communicate on a daily basis, I mean, I have really only one real friend. And that's all my fault, not anyone else's. My decisions, my consequences.

If it sounds like I'm beating myself up, yeah, maybe a little. I can't say I'm too proud of myself for going 41 years on this same train, 3 times screwing up the same way, and getting the same results, but changing nothing. But, I guess it takes a little more to get me to see the obvious. Now, it's a different type of situation, but looking back on all the events that led up to it, I can see I've been making these poor decisions all my life.

So, what to do? Well, first things first, stop making the same decisions. You want to know what the worst one is? Drinking. Yes, I've calmed it down from what I did when I was younger. I used to drink a 12 pack a day, every day. Now, I just do it on the days I have off from work. 2 days a week, I get drunk. And then I'm basically out of it for the entire NEXT day while I "recover". Stupid, right? I'm not late for or miss work from it, which lost me 2 of those jobs I mentioned earlier, but, the person I am when I drink is even worse at making decisions, and I have said and done things that I am not proud of. So, that's the first thing to go.

There's more to it than that, but you get the gist. Poor decisions, bringing on a life that I am not satisfied with.

I am not happy.

I left the situation in Tennessee because I wasn't happy, and coming to Florida held the promise of me being happy. I am happy with where I live, the town I mean, but I'm not happy with much else.

And now I am fully aware, no one can change that but me.

Oh, and one more thing. It's a REALLY poor decision to do things because someone else you know likes them, or be something you aren't because you think someone else won't like you if you don't. I've done that twice now, and neither time did things turn out where I was happy. You aren't them, you can't be happy living the life THEY live, you have to do your own thing. Just saying.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Broken Promises.......

It's been a long time since I posted, I know......

I can't tell you why, or, should I say, I'd rather not.....

Life is busy for me, right now, and I don't have the time to post every day, and it's funny, I promised to do so every day......that's the funny part...it's funny how a lifetime works....

Just as soon as you promise something, there's something else that comes along to screw up that promise, like it's meant to be, like it's the catalyst for a challenge in one's life. Everything seems "normal", you say you can do something, and out of the blue, something happens to make it where you cannot fulfill your promise. I don't see that as a coincidence.

I was going to write a book....I was going to make a good amount of money, things were going to be great, but, fate stepped in, and things worked out to where none of that happened. It's hilarious to me, how we humans seem to not notice how that works. Always, when we make plans, we see how happy things are going to be, and then, BAM, everything goes sour. In an instant.

We live these lives thinking it's all random, there's not a control mechanism at hand, but what if, just, what if, there *IS*?

No, it's all about learning. We learn through adversity. Everything can seem to be going right, and then something happens to make it *NOT* all right, and our world turns to shit.

We learn from it, but, in my case, what I have learned is that there are no good things scheduled for my life, without a good measure of the "not good" going hand in hand. I can't have a happy, normal life, where I have the fucking money to pay my bills, and be ok. No, that's too much to ask.

In the grand scheme of things, I am made to suffer through the non ability to provide for myself, let alone anyone else, it's how the "system" works.

I am doomed to a life where I get to learn what it's like to disappoint the ones I love over and over again, and not be able to follow up on my promises, even when it seems it's a sure thing.

I'm done with it, I'll learn what I have to learn, but I am done making promises. Obviously, there's not a chance in hell I will be able to follow up on them.

I won't make any more promises, because I hate disappointing those I love.

Let life happen as it will, if I end up broke, and alone, so be it.

It's better than disappointing those I love.

End of story......

Sunday, November 4, 2012

And...writing some more....

Hi friends, it's been a day, like all other days, well, except for the fact that I'm writing a novel.

It's pretty well taken over my thought process. Well, that, and making sure I post every day here on my blog.

I am making a commitment to committing to things, and sticking with them.

And the NaNoWriMo challenge is part of that. But even if I didn't have that, I'd still be committed to writing here on my blog.

The funny thing is, it's becoming less of a commitment, and more of a way of life. It's just what I do, now, I go to work, I come home, and I write, here, on my blog, and I write my novel.

I think that's the way it's supposed to work out though, that's how "they", whoever they are, train you to always be writing. They give you a monthly challenge, and then, if you are dedicated and committed to it, you find yourself doing it as a habit, and then, it's no longer a challenge. You just do it as a way of life, and that's what it seems I'm doing.

I wrote 1,905 words today on my novel, still ahead of the goal of 1,667 per day. I intend to keep it that way, and if my instinct is correct, I have a feeling that within the next few days, or perhaps a week, I will be writing more than double that each day, because by then, it will be a habit.

I'm writing, and writing more, and again, writing more. It is what I do, it's what I am, and I'm pretty happy about it.

I hope all of you have a great day doing what it is that YOU do.