It's been a long time since I posted, I know......
I can't tell you why, or, should I say, I'd rather not.....
Life is busy for me, right now, and I don't have the time to post every day, and it's funny, I promised to do so every day......that's the funny part...it's funny how a lifetime works....
Just as soon as you promise something, there's something else that comes along to screw up that promise, like it's meant to be, like it's the catalyst for a challenge in one's life. Everything seems "normal", you say you can do something, and out of the blue, something happens to make it where you cannot fulfill your promise. I don't see that as a coincidence.
I was going to write a book....I was going to make a good amount of money, things were going to be great, but, fate stepped in, and things worked out to where none of that happened. It's hilarious to me, how we humans seem to not notice how that works. Always, when we make plans, we see how happy things are going to be, and then, BAM, everything goes sour. In an instant.
We live these lives thinking it's all random, there's not a control mechanism at hand, but what if, just, what if, there *IS*?
No, it's all about learning. We learn through adversity. Everything can seem to be going right, and then something happens to make it *NOT* all right, and our world turns to shit.
We learn from it, but, in my case, what I have learned is that there are no good things scheduled for my life, without a good measure of the "not good" going hand in hand. I can't have a happy, normal life, where I have the fucking money to pay my bills, and be ok. No, that's too much to ask.
In the grand scheme of things, I am made to suffer through the non ability to provide for myself, let alone anyone else, it's how the "system" works.
I am doomed to a life where I get to learn what it's like to disappoint the ones I love over and over again, and not be able to follow up on my promises, even when it seems it's a sure thing.
I'm done with it, I'll learn what I have to learn, but I am done making promises. Obviously, there's not a chance in hell I will be able to follow up on them.
I won't make any more promises, because I hate disappointing those I love.
Let life happen as it will, if I end up broke, and alone, so be it.
It's better than disappointing those I love.
End of story......