Tuesday, May 29, 2012

My weekend.....and thoughts about fears....

Hi folks, how's it going? I hope everyone had a good Memorial Day weekend.

I spent mine on my usual schedule, no extra days off for Perth....went to work Friday and Sunday and Monday, but Saturday was fun. I had an epic cookout with Bella and her crew, with steak and chicken kebobs, and a awesome lemon cheesecake. She and I had the idea to do the cookout for a couple of weeks, but it wasn't until Friday that we went and bought everything, and then she spent 6 hours prepping everything before I got there on Saturday.....she's such an awesome cook! All the food was great, and so was spending time with my best friend. I can't wait to do it again.

Otherwise, my life has been relatively quiet these days, and I've had a lot of time to think. Something that has been at the forefront of my thinking has been about fears. Fears I myself have had, and fears I believe a lot of others have as well. I think it's part of being human, us having fears about things. A lot of times these fears have a root cause of a lack of information on a particular subject. People are afraid of a lot of things too. Sometimes it's a fear of a particular animal, for instance, spiders and other "creepy crawly" things. Sometimes it's a fear of heights, or the dark, or even the fear of crowds, all very rational fears in my opinion, because there are dangers involved. But the fear I want to talk about today is the fear of not being loved.

Sometimes a person will feel that if they don't act a certain way, or do things as others would like them to do, that no one will love them. It's a genuine fear, and I think a lot of people have it, even if they don't know it. The good thing about this one is that in reality, it's a very irrational fear, because what it really boils down to is a lack of information. We as human beings are not privy to the thoughts of anyone but ourselves, and we try to "guess" what another person would be thinking, and we act in ways that we hope will ingratiate us to them. As you might have guessed, this goes back to my discussions about how people can try to be something for someone else, even if it's not what they want to be, just to feel like they are important to someone, or that that someone loves them. All in all however, I believe it stems from a fear of not being loved. It makes you feel that if you act like yourself, and do exactly what it is you yourself want to do, and want to be, that you will be alone, with no one in the world that truly cares about you. However, again, I believe it all boils down to a lack of information. You don't know for sure if anyone really cares, and you don't have any way to find out. But, that's not the real issue. I can't tell you if anyone you know cares for you or not, but what I CAN say is that even if there is no one in the world who ever thinks about you, which is very unlikely I might add, there is always YOU. See, the fact is, no one HAS to love you, or care about you, as long as you care about yourself. It is also my opinion that we all have guides and folks on the "other side" who are constantly by our side, watching out for us, and if this is true, then no one is ever truly "alone".

What I'm trying to say is that I feel it's best, if you have this fear of being loved, that you take yourself out of everyone else's mind, and look into your own. Ask yourself what piece of information are you lacking, what motivates the fear you have of not being loved by someone? This could apply to anyone in your life, whether it be a family member, your significant other (or the person who you'd like it to be), or even those you work with or go to school with. Why do you WANT them to care for you or love you? What is it that motivates you to be afraid that they don't?

What you may find is that you are looking at it from all the wrong angles. Have you been something or done something for someone, and now you are looking for that feeling you got from doing it to be returned to you? They are their own person, and there's no law that says that they HAVE to reciprocate when you do something for THEM. If you do something for someone, do it because you truly want to do it, don't do it to try to get something from them. Trust me, when you do it because YOU want to do it, you won't have any reason to worry about whether or not they love you for it, because you'll feel good that you made their day a little brighter. When you go inside yourself, and find the real motivations behind what you are doing, you'll find that in a lot of cases, you do things expecting a certain response in return.

But I'm getting a little off track here. I feel like the fear of not being loved is very prevalent in a lot of people's minds, but ultimately I believe the root cause of it has to do with not knowing that love is and can be so many different things to different people. So I really can't tell you exactly how to fix it, I can only tell you how I myself have done so, and hope that by hearing about MY feelings, someone else can help themselves as well.

For the better part of my entire life, I have had this fear. I felt like I HAD to have someone that loved me, someone that cared more about me than they did about anyone else, and let me tell you, it consumed me. It became my motivating factor for just about everything I've ever done. What I've come to figure out is that I lacked a key piece of information regarding this thing called "love". I was missing the fact that I should understand that I am a unique person, and as such, I can and should be that person. I spent most of my life living out of other people's minds, trying to fit what it was I thought that they wanted me to be, because I didn't know that I could be ME. I was spending way too much time outside of myself, trying to "fit in". But once I spent some time alone, inside of myself, I found that no matter who I turned out to be, there is always someone there who DOES care. Whether it be my spirit guides and those on the other side, or other humans here with me, there is always someone. And then there's me. If I am happy with myself, and being who I want to be, then an amazing thing happens. I find I'm happy, and I don't really worry about who else cares.

I know I've talked at length about this before, and I'll probably do so again. But I think there are a lot of you out there that have the same issues that I've had, and if reading this helps you even a little bit, then my "mission" is a success. I want others to be able to learn what I've learned in life. If I could describe to you what pain and torture I put myself through through the years, it would bring a lot of you to tears. I'd rather not anyone else have to go through that, so that's why I write this. It has taken me a long time to learn how not to live outside of myself, and to understand what it means to be myself, and I want to be able to show others that they can do it too.

You don't have to be afraid that you're not loved. You only need to be yourself, and do and think as YOU want to do, and you'll find that all that fear and worry will fall away, leaving you happy, and whole.

Thanks again for stopping by folks, have a great evening!

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