Monday, May 14, 2012

Some thoughts, because today is as good as any other....

Hi folks, nice to see you again.

Today I am musing, or rather, for the last few days I have been. Thinking about life, my life, as it is right now, and not so much about where it's going. Thinking about WHY it's where it is right now. Specifically, why it seems like I am at a standstill, when so much is going on around me, and in my mind as well. It's almost like I have been isolated, put in a bubble, and while that may sound like a bad thing, I've figured out that's it's not, and here's why.

I have begun to realize that I needed this isolation period, to learn what it was that "I" was, to learn what it was that "I" wanted, without the influence of anyone else to interfere. You could call it a "scheduled" hermit time, for retrospection, introspection, and, well, a time to learn about myself. I have been alone for a while now, without someone in my life, and I have been upset about that on a lot of occasions, but now I see that it has been necessary. I had to find out what it was that was "me", the kind of person that I really am. Things as basic as my likes and dislikes, the schedule I like to keep, and just an all around revamp of who I am inside.

In the past, I had always done things or felt things because of the way someone else thought of them, or how I perceived that they did, and it did nothing but kill my sense of self esteem when things didn't go like I'd hoped. This time of hermititude (yeah, I just invented a new word lol) has taught me that I am fine the way I am, and I've learned this in a way no one else but me could have taught me. No one but me to talk to, no one but me to answer to, it's been very enlightening and gratifying. And all because I gave up with the pity party of not having anyone "with" me.

When it's time, it will happen. And if it doesn't, so be it. I can be happy knowing I am becoming myself, and have a very happy life. I'm still not finished building "me", but I think I'm going to concentrate more closely on that now, so I can find out who "Me" is ultimately going to be. Let the rest, including any future relationships, take care of themselves when it's time for them to happen. I'm done wondering and longing for them. It's not going to bring them any closer, especially not if "Me" isn't done yet.

So, that's me for today. Hope your Monday turns out well, and I'll talk with you soon.

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