Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Day 30: It's almost the end....or could it be the beginning?

Today is the 30th day of NaBloWriMo. I haven't missed a day this month, which actually kind of surprised me. You see, I have issues with commitment. Not in relationships, mind you, but I usually have issues with committing myself to something, and then sticking with it, especially if I get bored. However, that's one thing I can say, doing this writing challenge has definitely not been boring, it's been pretty fun.

But, back to my commitment issues. In the past, I have even found ways of leaving jobs because they got tedious, even though I knew they were paying me pretty well for doing what I was doing. I never just quit and left though, I would always end up doing something like calling in sick too many times, or having such a poor work performance that they had no choice but to let me go.

I couldn't even commit myself to quitting one job to go find another. Or to look for another BEFORE I quit. I could just say that I'm lazy, but that doesn't really describe it either. It's not that simple. It's the commitment to doing something that I lack. I think part of it is that I don't see the end result of something really getting me anywhere, so I just mosey along, going through the motions, hoping that something else will come my way that IS better. I've never really put in the work it takes to really get ahead, with anything I've done.

I'm 41 years old, and have nothing to show for having lived that long. I don't own a house, I've never bought a car for anything other than a small amount of cash, I have lousy credit, and, I don't even have a bank account.

But, what kind of life COULD I have had?

Now, I know, doing the "coulda, woulda, shoulda" thing doesn't really help, but for the sake of me describing the scenario here, I need to do it. So, here's what my life has been like up to this point.

Let's see, well, for starters, at one time, I was an ASE certified Master Technician. If I had committed to making my way in that business, I could have at this point been making at least 40 thousand a year, and been doing pretty well. I started out working for a retail store that had a tire, alignment, and battery shop, making, by the time I left, about 9 dollars an hour, not bad pay back then. Then, I worked a few "quick lube" jobs, before finally landing a job at a dealership, at which, by the time I left, I was making 12 dollars an hour. But without committing myself to the REAL money to be made, I never invested in the tools I would need to get there, and I never pursued a job with better pay, thinking myself "stuck", so, I left the business entirely, thinking that a college degree would get me that "great paying" job.

Then, in 2007, I obtained an Associates degree in Network Administration (basically a degree in working on computers and computer networks), and for a time, I had a pretty good job, entry level of course, but one that paid 12 dollars an hour. If I had committed myself to working my way up in THAT business, by now I might have had a job making at least twice that, and been doing pretty well. The same thing happened though, I didn't commit to doing what it took to further my career, and I got bored, and eventually got laid off, and was forced to find an alternate form of income, as jobs in the computer industry were hard to come by, once the recession hit.

But no, as it stands, I was not committed to either career, once I saw how much work had to be done to get that far, and now, I don't work in either one. I stock shelves, at night, for less than 9 dollars an hour. And I'm basically broke, most times just a few days after payday.

But here's the thing. This writing challenge, and, a prod or two from my best friend lol, has made me realize that I have a problem, and I have decided to make some changes, to make, for once in my life, a real commitment to something.

To that end, when this month is over, and NaBloWriMo is no more, and a new month begins, I am calling it a new beginning for Perth. November will see me pushing myself more, seeing things through, and along with that, I intend to continue posting here on my blog, every day, unless it is not in my power to do so.

I find it ironic that not only is the day after tomorrow the beginning of a new month, but for us pagans, it's the start of a new year. A new year, a fresh start, this is the time to make a change. Happy Samhain to all my pagan readers!

One other thing. When I considered the circumstances of my life, and why I had chosen to NOT commit, it occurs to me that I did not truly believe in myself enough to think that I could attain the heights I was told could be achieved. So, I pretty much gave up, saying, "What's the use, I'll never get there anyway.....".

That attitude never got me anywhere, and it never got me anything. Yet I still stood there hoping and wishing something would just fall in my lap, and everything would work out in my favor, and I'd finally be successful, have enough money to be comfortable, and be happy.

The world doesn't work that way. You have to have goals, and commit yourself to getting them accomplished, or you will be just like me, drifting from career to career, but never making anything of yourself.

So yes, there's one more day. One more day that I am "required" to post something. And yes, while I am happy that I committed myself to doing it, and have done so, I feel I can do more. I know I can make this a daily habit, for the foreseeable future, and I intend to do so.

Just one commitment, that may seem pretty small, but for me, it's a huge one, and there will be more to follow. I know there are many places I can go, things that I can achieve, but it's going to take commitment.

Oh, and tomorrow, I am going to announce something, well, make something official anyway, that I mentioned in passing a few days ago, but, in keeping with this new commitment initiative, I think it will be a good test of my mettle. It will be a very big challenge, because it's something I've never done before, but I intend to complete it.

Be sure to "tune in" tomorrow to find out what it is!

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