So here I am again, happy to report that I put in two applications for jobs today. My outlook on this situation has changed thanks to the advice of my best friend. I've had to really look at the reasons I had for wanting the plan I had made, and for my thoughts and actions following certain patterns lately. I just want freedom, the freedom to be by myself, to live by my own, without anyone to "answer" to.
All my life I have been living with someone else, never by myself. Always had to answer to someone for where I was going, what I was buying, how to decorate, what to eat. Hell it's been so bad that I didn't know where I ended and these other people began. As far as the shrew is concerned, I have even used the term "filter" when describing having to put everything through her first, even in my own mind, and I am so done with it. I want to plan my day around what I want to do, and not have to worry or think about what anyone else wants. And not care what anyone thinks of it.
Sound selfish? Maybe so, but I want it, and I'm going to get it.