Tuesday, February 23, 2010

On my own

So here I am again, happy to report that I put in two applications for jobs today. My outlook on this situation has changed thanks to the advice of my best friend. I've had to really look at the reasons I had for wanting the plan I had made, and for my thoughts and actions following certain patterns lately. I just want freedom, the freedom to be by myself, to live by my own, without anyone to "answer" to.

All my life I have been living with someone else, never by myself. Always had to answer to someone for where I was going, what I was buying, how to decorate, what to eat. Hell it's been so bad that I didn't know where I ended and these other people began. As far as the shrew is concerned, I have even used the term "filter" when describing having to put everything through her first, even in my own mind, and I am so done with it. I want to plan my day around what I want to do, and not have to worry or think about what anyone else wants. And not care what anyone thinks of it.

Sound selfish? Maybe so, but I want it, and I'm going to get it.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, it's very nice, to a certain degree. I think that you may have just answered a question that's been bothering me about myself. The only time I ever had true freedom like that was when I first turned 21 (as opposed to the second and third times, lol), and I moved out on my own. I have that again these days, but I don't really ever plan my day. I have hopes for a day, but I tend to do things spontaneously, and since I've had nobody here to really nudge me in the "right" direction, nothing gets done. It's like, I went for so long being nudged by another, whether I needed it or not, that now that I don't have that, I'm either conditioned to waiting for that, or making up for lost time. But... I'm on my own here. Hmmm. Thank you, got some things to think about.

    PS - It gets really really boring and lonely being on your own. I used to crave it too, now I'm ready for company again.