I've not posted in about a week, because I've been doing some thinking, and I actually started to write 2 different posts, neither of which I intend to publish, because I was merely trying to hash things out in my mind.
When I last posted, I was enjoying the newness of communicating with lots of new friends, and along with it, a thought began to emerge. It is more or less the idea that I really do need to have my OWN life, with me doing things like I want to do them, being my own person. No matter how many times I've been told about it, or read things about being one's own person, it never really sank in. But now things are different.
This isn't really the beginning of my new life, that was back when I moved out a little over 9 months ago. This is the beginning of my understanding of it, of what it means to have my own life. To create for myself. This is not new by any stretch of the imagination. I've been doing it, I just didn't KNOW I was doing it. The difference now is that I'm embracing it, and getting going with making something out of the life I've chosen.
Over the past weekend I did some clutter cleaning, and got rid of a lot of things from my past, my recent past, what I call the "second phase" of my life. The first phase was of course my childhood, up to age 18, and the second phase was the time from age 18 till about age 38. I threw away a lot of things I didn't need, things I held onto because I thought I WOULD need them, and then they were thrown in a box somewhere never to be thought of again. I felt like I was finally letting the past become the past, and forging on into the future.
I don't feel I have to answer to anyone, which is the biggest change of mind I've had in a while. Sure I still have responsibilities like everyone else, but the difference now is that I don't look at it as me having to do something because someone else told me to. That's too "second phase" for me to use it now. I'm using my own head, thinking with my own brain, and doing what I feel is best suited for each particular situation. I read a quote recently that said something along the lines of "all the answers you need are in your heart already, you just need to find them". It rings true to me, it tells me that I already know what I need and want to do, what the right things are to say, what actions are right for me to take. All I have to do is listen to myself, and then act accordingly. Someone very dear to me once said "What you need will be found, once you learn how to seek", and I believe that I've begun to learn how to seek.
I truly believe that each of us has the answers to the questions we have inside of us. Not the questions that require information, such as how to replace the alternator on your car, or the hard drive in your laptop. No, what I'm talking about is the questions about who you are, why you feel what you feel, and what the purpose of your life is. Other questions pertain to relationships, what you are looking for, what you need, and what you want to give. If you think about it, any question about your relationship to another person can be answered in your own heart. Granted, you might not have the information about their feelings for you, but you DO know about how you will react to whatever feelings they give you. You decide how you will feel, and you know what you will become given a particular set of circumstances. No one "makes" you do anything, and no one but you decides what you will do.
I've decided to listen to myself, my subconscious self, and do what I feel is right for me. Up until now I was doing my best to get anyone else I could talk to to give me the answers, to tell me what I should do. I've looked for answers in everyone else but myself, and the answer has always been, "do what you want to do", "it's up to you", "I can't tell you that, you have to decide". Out of fear of the unknown, or maybe the fear of appearing like an idiot or being wrong, I tried to make everyone else responsible for making decisions for me.
I had asked my guides to tell me which direction to go, to give me information, I wanted a shortcut. But there are no easy answers, this life is for living, and we as the physical presence here have to be the ones to do the living. No one can tell you how it's going to play out, because they don't know, that's the real kicker. If you believe in a spirit guide, and have been blessed with the chance to talk to one of them, as I have, you may find that their information is often vague and cryptic. You may have read stories about others' encounters with spirit guides, and found the same theme. They don't give straight answers to problems, they don't point to exact solutions, because in truth, I believe they don't know. It's your life to live, your decisions to make, and what you will think and do have so many possibilities that there's no way to reliably predict the outcome. That's why they are called "guides", and not "dictators". You are the only person who can chart your course, all the information you need is indeed buried deep in your mind, in your heart, if you are able to quiet down and listen to it. Your guides are only there to brief you on the possible outcomes, given the present information. Have you ever had a tarot reading done? Do they give you straight facts, or do they more often than not tell you more about how you feel about a situation? Again, a guide, one who is keenly aware of who's really in charge of your life. YOU.
What I'm trying to say here folks is that it's great to know we are spirits living in physical bodies, here to learn lessons, or whatever it is you may have come here to do, but it's really about living the life you chose, and doing the best you can at being the person you chose to be. Don't know who that person is? Listen to yourself, deep inside, you DO know that person, you know everything about that person. You're the ONLY one who does. Your guides, human, animal, spirit, or otherwise, they don't have the answers for you. Now that I've fully realized and taken to heart what that means, I can say with confidence that this isn't the beginning at all, but rather another step along the path.....my path.
Are you walking yours?
P.S. I'm going to get back to posting the rest of the "30 days of truth" posts tomorrow, I stopped on day 11, so there's lots more to come from those. Also, it looks like my move to the position of a full time stocker at work will have to wait a few more months, there are plans from management to get the entire store waxed in the next month, and therefore they are counting on having all the maintenance personnel they have at this time stay where they are. A minor setback, it's just not time yet, and it may not be "time" at all. Never know what opportunities tomorrow may bring. What other jobs may be on the horizon, better paying ones even........I can't wait to see.....